Are you suffering from obsessive ex-syndrome?

Are you suffering from obsessive ex-syndrome?

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Are you suffering from obsessive ex-syndrome?

You two came across, enjoyed spending your time together; something went wrong and eventually, both of you parted your ways.

It’s been rightly said that love arrives on tiptoes but bangs the door as it leaves. Anyway, time passes by and you seem to compromise with the whole situation. You meet new persons and get new opportunities to rekindle your love life. But no! Initially, you don’t want to do it at all.

Anyway, you try to move on with a new person and start dating her/him. But still, you think that something really important is missing from your newly-formed relationship. You just don’t get the same “feel” now. What could it be? The charm? Love? Togetherness? Happiness? Or something that completes you? Or still, something else? You try to focus on the present scenario and discover that it’s not the same again. The reason being, you’re still used to your ex-lover, her/his ways of doing things, her/his ways of treating you; or in other words you still miss her/him. No doubt, you want to be in love again, for sure, but with that same person all over again by being with someone else. In some way, you have idolized her/him so much that everyone seems too unfit to take the pedestal that your ex-lover still has in your heart. You know that you can’t do anything about it else than clinging onto the memories of your ex-partner whom you once dearly loved or may be, the one you still love.

If this is the case with you, then I warn you- it’s a newly discovered syndrome called EX-SYNDROME. Yes, it’s also a disease related to human heart but unlike, syndrome x, it cannot be cured by physicians. Since, it is a blunt truth about growing up that one is supposed to do the right thing even if it means breaking someone’s heart, including your own; you face heartbreak or heartbreaks at some point of time in life. After every ending, you get a lesson, but it strictly depends on you as to how you learn it or not learn it. Those who cannot learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.

Believe me, tears are the last gift of true love once it bids adieu. And it’s not at all easy for the majority of people to forget their first love of life. That is why, no matter however hard the new person tries to please you with her/his ways, you seem harder to be pleased. At times, you find her/him silly, harsh, unromantic, boring or unattractive or think that she/he doesn’t understand you. But wait! The problem isn’t with her/him. It, in fact, lies within you. You think that she/he has that factor missing from her/him which obviously ought to be there. You become a kill joy and try to murder the present romance too without even giving a second thought to what your present partner must be feeling about your unreasonable behavior or undergoing while she/he is with you. You tend to become negligent and ignorant towards her/him thereby unintentionally and unconsciously hurting her/him and past seems the only dead thing that smells sweet to you.

Once it’s over, it’s really tough to get over it but not impossible in any way. To start your life anew and get out of the traumatic depression, you need to help yourself. Remember, every man is a social being and cannot be alone all the time. Therefore, it’s necessary to be happy and keep those happy who are around you. No one is in charge of your happiness. You have to seek your own ways to be happy. You can’t completely blame one person for it nor can you totally depend on others for it.

First of all, make peace with your past because there are all the chances that it can spoil your present too. The past is always dogging our heels, striving ceaselessly to banish the present. Even the Almighty cannot change the past. Not heaven itself upon the past has power. I tell you past is just a bucket of ashes. Therefore, past must not be used as an anvil for beating out the present and the future. If your relationship ended very badly, then try to apologize with your ex-partner, no matter who was at fault. If you knew that she/he cheated on you, then get real. It’s no use thinking of her/him so much and crying your eyes out. There’s no use crying over spilt milk. Just be happy and grateful to the Almighty that the worse didn’t take place. If just in case, there was some misunderstanding, then please, don’t leave any issue unresolved. Talk over it and bury the hatchet. There may be chances that your ex-partner can still come back to you.

Secondly, take your own time before jumping into a wholly new relationship. If you’re the kind of escapist who lands-up in new trouble while saving oneself from another, then please, look before you leap. If you’re not ready for another relationship mentally and if your past still haunts you, then stay away. It may not be good for you as well as for your new partner. Fools are those who say that a new love can make you forget the old one. Well, it’s not the case with everyone, mind it. And wait a minute, please! Your new partner may really not be the “one”. People tend to be very gullible after their break-up and therefore, get easily carried away with false promises and fake emotions. Just trust your instinct once and for all. Keep your eyes open and if you don’t want a new chance, then leave it once and for all. Love is an act of faith and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

Thirdly, there’s no use looking over shoulders and revisiting your past no matter however good a place it might be as past always appears better than it was. It’s only pleasant because it isn’t here. Keep off your thoughts from the things that are past and done; for thinking of the past wakes regret and pain. STOP thinking too much about everything; it’s all right not to know all the answers even if you can’t find the answers to your problems or to various unresolved issues. Who knows they may come to you when you least expect them?

Fourthly, don’t idealize any relationship or set any stereotypes for your partner which can make her/him lose her/his true identity in her/his pursuit of trying to please you. Just because you still miss your ex-partner, don’t try to portray her/him in your new partner. Learn to accept people as they are. Everyone has a right to be her/himself. Individuality is as important to your partner as you are to her/him.

Finally, SMILE! C’mon, you don’t own all the problems of the world. Don’t cry that it ended but SMILE that it happened. Trust me, if you really want to enjoy the greatness of love, then remember, the joy of love lies in giving. Don’t always expect others to love you, discover the pleasure of love in loving others too. Love never claims, it ever gives and never revenges itself. It is born of faith, lives on hope and dies of charity. Selfless love and agape are truly divine mainly because they leave you with no regrets even if the person you loved leaves you.

All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves, lives; he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love’s sake because it’s the only way of life. Don’t cry over your lot, may be fate is just asking you to wait a little more in giving you an ever-loving partner or true happiness.

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